Marriage On The Rocks?

Is your Marriage Headed for Divorce?

The fact that 50 percent of American marriages end in divorce has inspired a slew of research into the secrets of long-lasting marriages.

The latest research reveals the types of marriages that are at the highest risk for divorce — and what people can do to lower their risk.

The new research focuses in particular on communication styles and positive-to-negative interactions, Maslin explained.

Techniques That Don't Work

Some of this new research debunks conventional wisdom on marriage counseling. For example, it suggests that a popular counseling technique called "active listening" doesn't work. "Active Listening" or "parroting" is a widely used technique in couples therapy in which one spouse complains about the other and the other spouse repeats the complaint in his or her own words and says, "I hear what you're saying."

Also, traditional counseling encourages couples to give up their idealized view of relationships and romance, but this new research shows that people with the highest expectations for marriage have the best marriages.

The study identified five types of marriages and their risk for divorce as:

Pursuer Distancer
Highest Risk
Typically the wife raises problems; the husband dismisses them and/or refuses to talk about them.

Disengaged
High Risk
These are emotionally distant individuals who don't need intimacy, and lack mutual interests.

Operatic
High Risk
This is characterized by a tumultuous and volatile relationship, marked by cycles of fighting and making up.

Cohesive Individuated
Low Risk
The hallmarks of this type of marriage are shared responsibilities, autonomy, and a view of marriage as a refuge.

Traditional
Lowest Risk
These couples share a traditional interpretation of gender roles.


One of the divorce prediction researchers, Dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington, calculated that strong marriages have at least a 5-to-1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. When the ratio starts to drop, the risk of divorce rises.

The study videotaped thousands of couples and coded positive and negative facial expressions, body language and comments. Something as simple as an eye-rolling after a spouse comments can be a strong indication of future divorce, according to the study.

Some of this research focused on the timing of divorce. While half of all divorces occur in the first seven years of marriage, a study published this spring in Family Process claimed that another risky time for divorce is in midlife.

The study followed 79 couples married an average of five years. Four years after the research commenced, 9 percent had divorced. After the 14-year study, 22 couples divorced — 28 percent in total.

The study points out that marrying younger than 25 dramatically raises divorce risk. Also, age difference is a risk factor when the woman is much older than the man but the reverse isn't a problem.

The child factor is also a factor in marriage happiness. Studies show that after the birth of a child, most couples become dissatisfied with the marriage. But the same study shows that the birth makes the marriage less likely to end in divorce.

If you believe that a divorce is the only way to move forward, please contact us for a complimentary consultation. Please visit www.divorcefilers.com or call 1-888-224-6800.

Many People Are Now Using the No Fault Grounds for Divorce in New York

Many people who previously were not interested in      

filing a divorce due to the 

fact that New York did not have "no-fault grounds" are 

now taking advantage of the "irreconcilable differences" grounds in New York. This is a true no-fault grounds where if a couple states that they have experienced an irretrievable breakdown of the marital relationship for at least six month, New York State will allow them to divorce without one party accusing the other of misconduct. For further information, contact us at divorcefilers.com or call us at 1-888-224-6800.

Free Consultations are available at Divorcefilers

For a free evaluation of your circumstances even before you consider pursuing a divorce contact divorcefilers.com or call toll-free: 1-888-224-6800.

Keeping the Divorce Process Friendly

Divorce Does Not Have To Be Bitter

If you are married and socialize with a group of friends on a regular basis, at some point at least one couple if not several couples in that group will go through a divorce. It's inevitable. The divorce statistics are too high. Almost one in every two marriages ends in divorce these days and most of those divorces turn ugly. You know, you see it all the time. The "once" loving couple is now slinging mud at each other from across an expensive conference table in a high-powered attorney's office. But, it doesn't have to be that way.

• First Marriages: 45 percent to 50 percent end in divorce
• Second Marriage: 60 percent to 67 percent end in divorce
• Third Marriage 70 percent to 73 percent end in divorce [1]

The following scenario is typical of the type of divorce this firm handles through the eyes of the wife. It is based on the concept that couples do not have to hate each other or be bitter through the process of divorce:

Now, we're getting divorced. And are we sad? Sure. Am I blaming my husband for the divorce? Absolutely not. Is he blaming me? No. We tried to fix it but it didn't work. We loved each other and spent 12 years together but we shouldn't be married anymore. The best part is that we are taking responsibility for our part in the breakup of the marriage. There isn't any anger or hatred because we're not blaming each other. And by owning our own crap, our nine-year-old daughter is completely fine about us getting divorced. Yes, she's sad -- like we are -- but she's ok.


Some advice if you are considering divorce:

• If you're unhappy, go to your spouse and tell them what's wrong. Be completely honest.

• Communicate to your spouse and figure out if the two of you want to make an effort to save the marriage or not. No pretending to be innocent and harboring bad feeling.

• Look at your role in why the marriage is breaking up and own your crap. Don't just blame the other person.

• Communicate the truth about the marriage. Walk away knowing it was both of you who contributed to the downfall of your marriage. It's a powerful feeling.

Finally, do not waste your hard-earned money on legal fees when going through the process of divorce. Keep the money in the family. There is no need to litigate or “fight it out.” Most matters can be amicably resolved and the paperwork can and should be handled by professionals who are dedicated to saving you money.

Call us for a complimentay consultation. We have been handling divorce procedures for since 1981 for couples who do not wish to waste their time or money. Visit us at www.divorcefilers.com or call us at 212-608-1630. Our e-mail is: info@divorcefilers.com

DIVORCEFILERS.COM

FAMOUS QUOTES ON THE ISSUE OF DIVORCE

A divorce is like an amputation; you survive, but there’s less of you. MARGARET ATWOOD, Time Magazine, Mar. 19, 1973 Divorce these days is a religious vow, as if the proper offspring of marriage. TERTULLIAN, Apologeticus The happiest time of anyone's life is just after the first divorce. JOHN KENNETH GALBRAITH For a couple with young children, divorce seldom comes as a “solution” to stress, only as a way to end one form of pain and accept another. FRED ROGERS, Mister Rogers Talks With Parents Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass. MARY KAY BLAKELEY, American Mom Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do. ZSA ZSA GABOR Divorce is a declaration of independence with only two signers. GERALD F. LIEBERMAN, attributed, Divorce: It's All About Control In our family we don't divorce our men -- we bury them. RUTH GORDON When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they “don’t understand” one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to. HELEN ROWLAND, A Guide to Men I’ve given my memoirs far more thought than any of my marriages. You can’t divorce a book. GLORIA SWANSON, New York Times, Mar. 10, 1979 Any woman who votes for no-fault divorce is like a turkey voting for Thanksgiving. PAT ROBERTSON, The 700 Club If divorce has increased by one thousand percent, don't blame the women's movement. Blame the obsolete sex roles on which our marriages were based. BETTY FRIEDAN, speech, Jan. 20, 1974 I do not consider divorce an evil by any means. It is just as much a refuge for women married to brutal men as Canada was to the slaves of brutal masters. SUSAN B. ANTHONY, The Life and Work of Susan B. Anthony The possibility of divorce renders both marriage partners stricter in their observance of the duties they owe to each other. Divorces help to improve morals and to increase the population. DENIS DIDEROT, Observations on the Drawing Up of Laws Marriage problems are relationship problems, they are the result of how two peopleinteract with each other. You may abandon a troubled marriage, but you will still bring theway you interact with others along with you. MARK GUNGOR, Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage There is a rhythm to the ending of a marriage just like the rhythm of a courtship--only backward. You try to start again but get into blaming over and over. Finally you are both worn out, exhausted, hopeless. Then lawyers are called in to pick clean the corpses. The death has occurred much earlier. ERICA JONG, How To Save Your Own Life A society's apprehensiveness about divorce is an expression of its fear of change and of its resulting desire that personality remain unvarying. ELSIE CLEW PARSONS, Fear and Conventionality Divorce is an embarrassing public admission of defeat. TRACY LETTS, August: Osage Country Divorce is one of the most stressful life events anyone goes through. Only the loss of a loved one and moving are even in its class, difficulty-wise--and divorcing generally involves both of those as well. Even when you are the one initiating the divorce, the enormous changes that result are bound to throw you off and leave you feeling, at the very least, a bit lost. EMILY DOSKOW, Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce Divorce is a failed challenge, which leads to a broken life. It is a socially transmittable disease that can transfer from one generation to another, and it is spreading fast. SIA F. DEAN, Divorce Is Not an Answer Grown-ups are worried that they're going to ruin their children's lives, but divorce is just a life experience and you learn from it. EVAN STERN, Divorce Is Not the End of the World The thing that experts agree on is that although divorce is difficult and stressful for kids no matter what, the real harm to kids comes from being subjected to conflict between parents. The longer that lasts, and the more severe it is, the worse it is for your children. If you truly want to shield your children from the pain of divorce, recognize that the more you take the high road with your spouse, the better job you'll do. EMILY DOSKOW, Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce I've been through divorce and will always be a "divorced kid".... For me, my parent's divorce was hard at first, but I overcame my sadness and my fears about it. I know that my parents are happier apart. And I'm happy with the way things are, too.... Divorce can sometimes be for the better. You may end up with happier parents, and you will definitely learn a lot about yourself! And that's the whole point of growing up. So if you think about it, there are reasons to be happy about this experience, if you can learn and grow from it. ZOE STERN, Divorce Is Not the End of the World Asking the legal system to resolve divorce is like asking a boxing coach to be our marriage counselor. WARREN FARRELL, foreward, Make Any Divorce Better Many divorces are not really the result of irreparable injury but involve, instead, a desire on the part of the man or woman to shatter the setup, start out from scratch alone, and make life work for them all over again. They want the risk of disaster, want to touch bottom, see where bottom is, and, coming up, to breathe the air with relief and relish again. EDWARD HOAGLAND, Red Wolves and Black Bears No matter how you slice it, divorce is expensive and time-consuming. The most important variable is how well you and your spouse are able to put aside your anger and grief and cooperate on the big issues of money and children. The better you are at working together to make decisions for your changing family structure, the better for your bank account and for your chances of emerging from the divorce with a decent relationship with your ex. EMILY DOSKOW, Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. GROUCHO MARX I don't think I'll get married again; I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house. LEWIS GRIZZARD, attributed, Oxford Dictionary of Humorous Quotations

A Less Complex Divorce Alternative

Although Naturally Grueling and Stressful, A Divorce Does Not Have to be Expensive, Litigious or Unnecessarily Time-Consuming

  

Most of us are well aware that the process of divorce can be a grueling and stressful experience, emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually. For most individuals, it will be, by far, the most difficult crisis they will ever face. For many, there can be residual pain for years after the legal paperwork is completed and they receive their final judgment of divorce.

It seems clear that anyone involved in this most complex crisis should definitely seek out skilled and qualified professionals, both in the legal and emotional areas of expertise. The beginning stages of separation and divorce maybe difficult if not impossible to comprehend, as one never really believes that they will be in this position where outside professionals are now front and center in what used to be their private domain, namely the intimate relationship they once shared with their spouse.

Usually fear, anger and rage dominate as the primary emotions for most people at the beginning stages of separation. This is because the crisis of defusing two people who declared their love for each other is a complex one few professionals are fully comfortable navigating.

How then does one begin the process of pursuing a divorce in the most efficient, cost-effective manner?

Most divorce attorneys usually bill by the hour. The more help you need, the more it costs you. That is not a system that helps you when you need help the most. Sometimes the cost is just too much. How is the average person supposed to afford this process?

The answer may in fact be that you do not require formal legal representation at unaffordable hourly rates. If you and your spouse agree that you both amicably desire to obtain a “friendly” divorce and there is little if any property to be distributed, than why not consider utilizing a firm with 30 years of experience to put together the tedious paperwork and do all of the laborious “legwork” and obtain a final judgment of divorce for you in approximately two and one half months?

The staff at Divorcefilers truly cares and takes the time to accomplish the tedious task of processing a divorce in a compassionate yet economical manner. A complimentary consultation is always available to those seeking a peaceful resolution to this very serious issue.

Call today for more information: 212-608-1630.

Comic Relief: On the Less Serious Side: A Divorce Joke

Sometimes, professionals in the matrimonial industry only stick to the dry material in their desire to educate the public with respect to divorce law and divorce procedure. This blog will occasionally tell a joke involving the issue of divorce simply in an attempt to "lighten the mood" and demonstrate that sometimes we must all take life a little less seriously. We call this occasional joke "Comic Relief" and here it is:

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" 


She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.


 "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents." 


He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." 


Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"

Our Commitment to Keep the Divorce Process Simple and Economical

Divorcefilers handles uncontested divorces for couples who do not want to waste their hard earned income. We do not charge by the hour. We charge on a flat rate fee basis.  We provide a free initial consultation.  Our clients are made aware what the total fee will be before they even hire us.  If you are determined to wage war with your spouse, there are plenty of lawyers out there who will be more than happy to take your money.  If, on the other hand, you see the reason in compromising and reaching a fair agreement with your spouse, then we may be able to assist you.

New York is now a no-fault state when it comes to dissolution of marriage.  If only one of you wants the divorce and concludes that the marriage is irretrievably broken, there is little the other spouse can do to stop the dissolution.  There are no “grounds for divorce” that need to be established other than that the marriage is irretrievably broken

Many couples obtain dissolution of marriage without fighting and by agreeing on what is fair under their circumstances.  The process of divorce does not need to be a long, drawn out legal battle that drains you of your assets and pushes you to the brink of bankruptcy. 

If you reside in the New York City metropolitan area and are seeking help to amicably dissolve your marriage, our firm will be pleased to speak with you and answer your questions at a free initial consultation either in-person or on the telephone with absolutely no obligation to you. Divorcefilers works hard and uses its 30 years of experience to make the process of obtaining dissolution of marriage as inexpensive and painless and simple as possible. You may call us 212-608-1630 or 1-888-224-6800.

Changes in New York Matrimonial Law: The "No-Fault" Grounds Has Finally Arrived

Grounds for Divorce in New York including the "New Grounds" of Irreconciliable Differences

COMMONLY USED TERMS IN MATRIMONIAL MATTERS

The grounds or basis for a divorce has not been amended by the New York State Legislature for decades. Since October of 2010, for the first time in New York history, the grounds of "irreconciliable differences" which is a true "no-fault" grounds is now available. For further detailed information on this issue, you may contact our offices for a complimentary consultation. Call us toll-free at             1-888-224-6800      .


Please read some of the most commonly used terms in divorce procedures below:


UNCONTESTED DIVORCE:

When you and your spouse agree that you both desire a speedy divorce and there are no issues in dispute; i.e. Property, financial issues, child support, visitation, custody, etc., you may be eligible for an uncontested divorce. If this is the case, our office can prepare all court papers and file them in the Court on your behalf and obtain a Final Judgment of Divorce. This can generally be accomplished in approximately ten weeks or less. In addition, if your spouse fails to appear in the divorce action, you may obtain an uncontested divorce without your spouse's signature.

GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE:

In many states, including New York, the grounds for divorce means the basis or reason that the divorce is granted by the Court. The following grounds for divorce exist presently in the State of New York:

NO-FAULT:

AS OF 10/12/2010, New York State finally accepts NO-FAULT as a divorce ground.

ABANDONMENT:

This ground for divorce may take three possible forms:

Physical Abandonment: The husband or wife abandons or physically leaves the marital home for a period of one or more years prior to the commencement of the divorce action without just cause and this abandonment continues to the present time.

Constructive Abandonment: If there is no physical abandonment but one spouse refuses to engage in sexual relations with the other spouse for a continuous period of one year or more prior to the commencement of the divorce action and continuing to the present time without good cause or justification, this abandonment is known as constructive abandonment.
Lock Out: One spouse without just cause refuses to allow the other spouse to enter the marital home for a continuous period of one year prior to the commencement of the divorce action and continuing to the present time.

CRUEL AND INHUMAN TREATMENT: 


The treatment of one spouse towards the other spouse is such that the physical or mental well-being of one spouse is so endangered as to render it unsafe or improper for the abused spouse to cohabit or live with the other spouse. Any and all acts which may be deemed to constitute acts of cruel and inhuman treatment must have occurred within five years of the commencement of the divorce action.


IMPRISONMENT: 


This ground for divorce is available when one spouse is imprisoned for three consecutive years or more after the date of marriage and the spouse is still incarcerated when the divorce action is commenced as long as the action is initiated within five years from the time of the completion of the third year of imprisonment.

ADULTERY: 


An act of sexual or deviate sexual intercourse performed voluntarily by one spouse with a person other than his or her spouse during the time the couple is married to one another. This ground for divorce is often difficult to prove since corroborating evidence (witness testimony) is required.


CONVERSION OF A SEPARATION AGREEMENT:


If a couple lives separate and apart for more than one year pursuant to a separation agreement filed with the County Clerk of the Supreme Court which specifies the terms and conditions of the separation, one party may maintain an action for divorce against the other based upon the separation agreement.


VOIDABLE MARRIAGES: 


Also known as an ANNULMENT, the effect of a voidable marriage is that the marriage, in effect, never took place. One of the most basic reasons that an annulment is obtained is on the basis of fraud. In other words, if one spouse was is some serious manner deceived, lied to, or mislead in some material manner by the other spouse which if known to the spouse prior to the marriage would have caused this spouse not have entered into the marriage, there may be grounds to have the marriage annulled.